Why Do We Love to Tear People Down? The Meghan Markle effect

The Greatness Guide | 22nd March

Mar 21, 2025

I’ve been thinking a lot about the way we tear people down. How quickly we decide who deserves admiration and who deserves scorn. It happens in our workplaces, in our friendships, in our families, and especially on the biggest stage of all, celebrity culture.

There’s a strange comfort in judgment. A sense of belonging when we find someone to collectively critique. We convince ourselves that we are simply holding others accountable, calling out what we don’t like, but if we’re really honest, there’s something deeper at play.

The way we react to people, especially those in the spotlight, says far more about us than it does about them.

There is a simple but uncomfortable truth I’ve learned over the years. The things that trigger us in others often point to something unresolved in ourselves.

When someone rubs us the wrong way, when we feel a deep irritation at their success, their confidence, their choices, it’s worth asking, why does this bother me so much?

Is it because they are doing something I’ve told myself I can’t do? Are they showing up in a way I don’t allow myself to? Is their ambition, their voice, their unapologetic way of moving through the world unsettling me because I’ve spent my life trying to shrink?

We rarely ask these questions. It’s easier to convince ourselves that we just don’t like someone. That our opinions are rational, that our distaste is justified. But if we trace that reaction back to its source, we might find something we weren’t expecting.

We might find a part of ourselves that still feels small.

We might find an old story about what’s acceptable, what’s too much, what’s not enough.

We might find a version of ourselves that has spent years trying to be liked, trying to fit in, trying not to stand out.

And when we see someone else who refuses to do that, something inside us reacts.

Which brings me to Meghan Markle.

Few public figures inspire as much scrutiny as she does. Every move she makes is met with backlash, every choice is analyzed, and for many, every word she speaks feels like a personal offense.

But is it really about her? Or is it about us?

In my latest episode of Sarah’s Thoughts, I explore this idea, why Meghan Markle has become such a lightning rod for criticism, and more importantly, what our reactions to her reveal about us.

Because when we learn to pay attention to our judgments, when we get curious about why certain people provoke such strong emotions in us, we stop giving our power away. We start to untangle the old beliefs that are keeping us small.

And maybe, just maybe, we learn to redirect that energy toward something far more productive, our own healing.

Listen to my take on why we love to tear down Meghan Markle HERE.

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